"I can't find my happiness and my sadness."

That statement keeps on repeating on my head like a broken record. Someone who is dear to me told me that once and the time I heard that it sure hurts like hell. Why? Because all along, all those times I had with that person I thought I made him happy. But the moment he said those words I was like "Oh boy I was wrong."

Once you love a person the only thing that you really want is for that person to love you back and bring happiness to his/her life. But that moment when you knew that your not the right person to make him/her happy is the painful thing. You could be anything and everything for that person but the thing is your not the one he/she wants and the only thing you could do is accept it and let go. But in the back of your mind there this voice that tells not to give up yet and its in your hand if you will listen to that voice or not.

For me, I didn't listen to that voice. And if your gonna ask me if I regret not listening to it? My answer would be, no. Why? Because just like any other person, I don't regret it 'coz I believe there is a reason behind it. If I made a mistake not listening to that small voice well then, I accept my mistake and yes, I learned a lesson. I guess its part of growing up. You board the wrong train and get lost but somehow you find your way back. I get lose but one thing I learned from that experience was there are many roads to get to your destination.

What's hunting me now is the reason behind that statement. Back at that moment, back at that time when he said that statement, I didn't let him explain 'coz I was already blinded by my emotion_pain. If I had a regret on that moment, that would be I didn't let him explain, I didn't let him finished coz I believe there's no other things to explain. What he said, it means exactly what it means. I'm not the perfect fit for him. That was my thinking back then. I..I just ran away and I didn't look back, oh well, let me rephrase that, I did look back, hoping that he was trying to follow me but he didn't. I didn't see him chasing me.

But was I wrong from running away like that? I didn't hear his story. What if he was in pain that's why he said those word, what if he just needed me back then, what if he just challenging me, what if I'm just expecting? 

Yes, I said I didn't regret listening to that voice because it leads me to some instances in my life where I become and undaunted person but I'm not sure if i'm already at my destination. I don't know if that chapter of my life is done or it was just on hold. What if it's part of the plot where I need board another train and  take another route_a long one. What if its part of the story where I need to be lost and find my way back to him. What if..What if that time wasn't the perfect timing to listen to that voice. What if it is still not late to listen to that voice back then? What if this is the right time. Right now.