Kahon

Sa mga panahon na ang yakap mo ang siyang naging kumot sa malaming na gabi. Sa mga panahon na ang tinig mo ang siyang naging musika sa aking tenga. Sa mga panahon na ang ngiti mo ang siyang bumuo sa aking araw. Ito ang mga panahon na aking pinag-iingatan, pinagpapahalagahan at pinakakatago. Ito ang mga panahon na aking binaon sa baol ng alaala.

Alaala. Ito na lamang ang iyong habilin sa ating matamis na kahapon. Alaala ng bawat saya, ng bawat lungkot, ng bawat sakit na iyong dinala sa buhay ko. Alaala na lamang ang mga matatamis na mensahe sa umaga, ang mga masasayang agahan, ang mga tanghalian na kung saan ang maalat na adobong iyong niluto ay buong sarap kong kakainin, ang mga hapunan na sinusubukan kong abutan at ang mga gabi na ang iyong mukha ang huli kong nasisilayan.

Alaala nalang ang lahat ng pangarap na nabuo sa apat na pader ng isang kanlungan. Lahat ng pangako ay naguho kasama ng paguho ng iyong pag-ibig. Sa buhos ng ulan, sa dilim ng gabi kung saan binalot kita ng yakap hawak-hawak ang isang maliit na kahon na laman ang patunay ng aking pag-ibig, bigla ka nalang kumawala sa aking yakap. Tiningnan mo ko, tiningnan mo ang buong pagkatao ko at sa bawat bigkas ng mga salita na lumalabas sa iyong bibig ay siya ring bawat tulo ng luha na lumalabas sa aking mata. Tiningnan mo ko, tiningnan mo ang buong pagkatao ko ngunit pinili mo parin akong saktan at sa bawat bigkas ng mga salita na lumalabas sa iyong bibig ay unti-unti mo kong binasag.

Binalot kita ng yakap ngunit bigla ka nalang kumawala sa aking yapos_sa aking pagmamahal.

Inakala kong ikaw na ang aking 'hanggang sa walang hanggang', inakala kong habambuhay na kitang mahahagkan, inakala kong aabot tayo sa punto na puputi ang buhok, kukulubot ang balat, hihina ang tuhod ngunit buo parin ang pagmamahal sa isa't isa. Inakala ko na ang 'tayo' ay walang katapusan ngunit pinili mong bitawan ang 'ako' at lumakbay ang 'ikaw'. Pinili mo akong saktan, pinili mo kong pakawalan. Nais kitang ipaglaban, nais kong ipaglaban ang 'tayo' ngunit magmumukha lamang akong tanga kung ipaglalaban ko ang 'tayo' na ikaw mismo ang unang bumitaw. Pero teka, kaya kong maging tanga, kaya kong magpakatanga sayo pero putangina! Sobrang sakit! Sobrang sakit lalo na ng iyong sabihin "Mahal kita pero...pero hanggang dito nalang ang kaya kong ibigay. Kung kaya ko lang sapatan ang pagmamahal na iyong ibinibigay pero hindi eh. Bitaw na."Bumitiw ka na. Sumuko ka na. Matagal na pala. At ako si Tanga, umaasang lahat ng ito ay isang masamang panaginip lamang.

Pero hindi. Umalis ka at naiwan ako kasama ang maliit na kahon na sana ang pangako ng ating bukas. Ngunit wala eh. Totoo ang lahat. Totoo ang luha, ang sakit.

At ang sakit na lamang ang siyang nagpapaalala sa akin sa bawat memurya ng lumipas na panahon. Pipilitin kong kalimutan ang luha, ang sakit, ang alaala. Pipilitin kong kalimutan ang iyong ngiti, ang iyong yakap at ang iyong halik. Pipilitin ko... Pipilitin kong kalimutan ang kahapon. Ngunit hindi ko kayang ipangako na kaya kong kalimutan ang pag-ibig na siyang nagturo sa akin ng saya at sakit. At hindi ko maipapangako na kaya kong itapon ang maliit na kahon, ang kahon na pangako sana ng ating bukas.

A Journey

When words seem so meaningless and my action seems so pointless, hear my heart because every beat of it perfectly tells how much your existence lighten up the pavements of this long journey. Before, I traveled feeling the loneliness of being alone. I became accustomed of walking down the path only with the company of my shadow and I became used to of deciding alone for myself which road to go to. All of those changed when I turned to a crossroad where you suddenly walked beside me then started talking about your wanders which in the first I didn't even asked. Yes, at first I found it annoying but you know what's funny? In time, I found myself listening to your stories, then I saw that I was talking to you, later I realize that I like your company.

When you told me that traveling is tiring, I couldn't agree more but I couldn't forget that time when you walked ahead, turned to me and said "Indeed it is tiring, but you know what's keeping me going? It's reaching my destination and feeling happiness and satisfaction knowing that I didn't give up midway." I had the same thinking, the same outlook. I thought that I was only enjoying your company latter that I found out, i'm falling for you. Being alien to this feeling, I followed what others told me, listen to the music of the beating heart. Truthfully, I didn't understood what they meant, every time I tried to listen, I only heard the 'lub-dub' sound of the heart then the moment came where  I fathom what it truly meant. I saw how you listen to my tedious stories, how you laughed at my corniest joke and how you brighten up my dull world. I saw how much you cared, how much you appreciated and how much you cherished the friendship we built. And when I saw your genuine smile, your pure laugh I told myself that I will hold dear this person. There, I heard the music of my beating heart, it played the sound of your name and our always.

I played the melody, sang the song and meant every lyrics. I was overjoyed when I knew both of us had the same rhythm. You loved me and I to you. 'My' journey, 'Your' journey became 'Our' journey. Our tempo together was at its finest and our trek was a paragon. I had a glimpse of perfection when I saw the pulchritude of the rising sun with you and when together we viewed the sundown, I had witness a magnum opus of the Creator. Days passed, months shunted, years elapsed and we had journey together in smooth pavement, in sandy one and even in old back roads holding  each other hand and singing our song. The pages of our book inspissate but of course, not all chapter where full of happiness, there were also a sprinkle of misunderstanding and silly fighting yet even the sweetest processed chocolate came from the slightly bitter flavour beans of Cacao.

I played our melody, sang our song and even dance to it. We had the same beat then suddenly you moved in a swift cadence. I tried to cope up with you; I tried for you yet everything seems to change in a second. Change. You had widen your horizon and further your destination. Everything was slowly falling apart.

You told me the thing that make a journey a beautiful one and the thing that will keep me going is the thought of the destination ahead but unintentionally, you taught me the more important things not through words but through actions. You made me realize that it's not the destination that matters but its the journey itself, the people you travel with, the memories you made and the lessons you learned. You thought me all of that and I hope the years you spent with me in this journey made you realize the same thing. I wish just like how our heartbeat shared the same rhythm before, we could also share the same stance now.

I want to work things out but words seem so meaningless and my actions seem so pointless, so please listen to my heart that shout your name, feel it warmth and feel its love again, and open your eyes and together let's see our always.