It’s been a while since I updated. So, where should I start?
Well, last week has been one of a great
week. It’s been great because I realize a lot of things, things that I thought
I will have hard time getting through once I face it.
I’ve been joining a competition every year, it’s an
inter-school competition. This competition enhances young journalist and their
skills, abilities, and passion in the field of journalism. Through this
friendly competition, school journalists all over our city gather every year,
this give us chance to meet new friends and show our improvement from last year
experience. I’ve been joining this competition for four years now. I started
joining when I was still a 6th grader but in my first year in High
School, I didn’t join the said event
but the following year I gave it a try and this year is my last time joining
it.
For the past three years of joining the competition, I
always got a chance to represent our school in the regional level. I’ve always
been blessed. I consider myself lucky for winning each year. And this year,
unfortunately, I wasn’t included in the top three of my event. I got the 4th
place. But wait, was it really unfortunate?
Before, I always tell myself that I need to win. I can’t
imagine myself failing and losing in this competition. I love writing, it’s my
passion. I can’t lose. I can’t fail. I need to reach the next level of the
competition. That was always been my mind set. There is no place for failure.
And that was the reason why in my first failure, for the first time I lose in
another writing competition, I had a hard time accepting it. I was so bummed by
it that I came to the point I started to hate writing. Hating the thing that
you do is one hell of the hardest feeling you could ever felt.
“I love writing. It’s my passion and every time I write, I
put my heart into it. No matter what the result is, I’m happy for that’s who I
am. ” That’s what I always say to myself and the first time I lose, I forgot
that line. I was blinded by the feeling of always winning, losing was foreign
for me and the first time I tasted it, I was wrecked.
It took me a while to collect my self-esteem again and to
move from that experience. I did a lot of pondering for a week! Just to get
over that feeling because if I haven’t, the inter-school competition would be
at stake if I stayed that way. This year was my last straw to reach until the
national level. I always want to go that far. Who wouldn’t right?
But a week before the inter-school competition, I said I did
a lot of pondering right? It came across my mind, why I love writing. I asked
myself again, why do I love writing? Well, there’s no particular reason. I just
love writing. It’s like how you love a person. You like his/her attitude, the
way he/she dress, his/her smile but those are just some reason why you like
him/her. Those where not the main reason why you come to love him/her to the
point you accept them fully. I love writing yet I don’t know the main reason
why I come to love it but one thing I like about writing is that I want to
inspire people with my words.
Inspire people with my words. That line echoes in my head.
Indeed, I want to inspire a person that’s why I write. And that’s it! I’ve been
writing for years, posting it on my online accounts and blog. That’s my aim in
the first place. Winning this competitions were just bonuses of my passion. I
write to inspire. I’m sure one of a lucky gal to win this contests but I forgot
the essence of all of this.
Being the 4th placer of this year competition is
not the worst thing that happened to me. Yes, this is my last year and I
couldn’t qualify for the next level. On the day of the awarding, on that final
judgment, on that moment they announced that I got the 4th place,
honestly I can see the dismay of my colleagues and I can also feel the
disappointment I had inside. It’s natural. It took me few moments to process
everything. But you know what happened next? As I dawdle the streets on my way
home, I found myself smiling.
I didn’t feel like I lose. The disappointment I feel,
vanish. It may sound crazy but I feel happy. Who on Earth would feel happiness
when losing in a competition right? But for the first time in my existence,
it’s the first time I feel that I really won! I won because I remember the
essence of my passion. I was about to be devoured by winning but once in our life, we need to feel
failure to remember that we need to do more and there are still a lot of things
to know. When we fail, we learn a lot of things but in winning we know less.
Don’t let failure ebb you. Make it as your stepping stone to
become better. You where just drawn a few feet away where the winner stands but
that doesn’t mean you can’t reach it. As for me, I will continue to write, I
still want to inspire people. After all the failures I experience, this is not
the time for me to give up. Giving up is not an option. But once in a while, we
must learn to stop and rest for a bit. Giving up and resting is two different
things.
Giving up means you turn your back and walk away. I won’t
give up on the things and person that I love. I might feel like giving up but
deep down I’m still holding into something and hoping. I LOVE WRITING and I
won’t give it up. Maybe I just need a little time to rest and discover new
things. Exploit what’s beyond the horizon. I’m not closing my doors; I’m
opening it to new opportunities and new things.
My life has always been full of unexpected twist and turns.
Our experiences may be blissful or depressing but one thing is for sure, we
always learned things after everything. That’s the beauty of life. This
experience of mine is not unfortunate. I did learn a lot in one week. And I do
believe that there are great things beyond the horizon.
